October 6th, 2017.
Right before the beginning of what has been one of the most painful seasons of my life.
Like, it’s given 2007 a run for its money.
But that day I scrawled this in my journal and accidentally prophesied to myself– He’s not thrown off by all this.
By no means indifferent, but not surprised. He understands how I react to the struggles I never wanted. Even if that reaction is anger.
Around Him, I don’t have to react to my devastation with perfect grace. I don’t have to smile and give Him reassuring platitudes. I don’t have to hide the depths of my disappointment.
That in itself is comfort.
Healing is a long, long road that somehow started ages ago and is just beginning at the same time. But I’m not alone on the journey.
And someday, when these heaps of ashes are turned into beauty, and I’m singing redemption songs, I know He’ll be there, too.
Not surprised by it, or me.